she holds a smile

Grrr

So often throughout the day, I catch myself thinking that I should be a different person. One that likes doing things that I don’t have the energy for. One that doesn’t have the bad habits that I do. I try so hard to mold myself into that person, the one I want to be, and it works for a while. Until it doesn’t, and I revert back to the person that I really am. It is always lurking in the back of my mind that I could be a better me, except I can’t and it fucks with my head. Lots of things fuck with my head, but this is what bothered me today. Oh well, everyone feels like the need to be someone else for a while. I just happen to feel that way all the time, but it would probably help to know who I am first, before I go changing her…